I Love Matt Walsh

Okay, not really. I love his writing. I was introduced to his blog by a friend on Facebook and I've been hooked ever since. He's logical. He's down to earth. He's passionate.

And his latest post about kids not making you happy is brilliant.

I am not my kids. I am not "just" a mom. Being a mom is super important and right now the focus of most of my time. But it isn't all I am, all the time.

It's a fine line, I think, between being selfish (the "me, me, me" generation) and being an individual apart from being a parent. Our society says that it should be all about "me" and what makes "me" happy - instant gratification, follow my heart, and all that crap.

I know that the selfish side of me wants to sleep all night, have an uninterrupted day to do whatever I want, and take a shower on a daily basis. But those desires aren't always met...in fact lately they haven't been met on a consistent basis. Especially now that I have two little monsters. And in reality those things are secondary to raising healthy kids. I can sleep when they move out.

Marshal and I at the Zoo.

I'm a mom, yes. I'm also a wife. A jewelry designer. An Aflac agent (technically...though not actively). A friend. I love Excel and consider myself a geek. Or a nerd. Depending on the day. I'm slowly learning how to cook food that actually tastes good and doesn't come out of a box. I love going to movies. I'm addicted to food - especially ice cream and oreo cookies. I'm a daughter and a sister.

I'm also a Christian...though that's a complicated one that could be a blog post (or several) all by itself.

My happiness is not the job of my boys...or of my husband. Too many people marry to "be happy" and that is equally as wrong as having kids to make you happy. It's my job to find happiness in the life I have. To be content with what we have and where we are. That can be very tough...some days it seems impossible.

But it's a work in progress and I do not want to burden my sons or husband with that responsibility.

" ... I have learned to be content in any circumstance. 12 I have experienced times of need and times of abundance. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of contentment, whether I go satisfied or hungry, have plenty or nothing." Philippians 4:11-12

It's Not Just Overtime

When most husband's are late coming home it's because they have a project or they volunteered for extra hours.

When my hubby, and thousands of other law enforcement officers out there, isn't home on time it is an immediate cause for stress.

Is he okay? When will he be home? Is he hurt? Or worse?

Besides the inconvenience of it (I'm such a planner that it always bugs me when my schedule is off) the fear is very real every time he's late coming home.

Monday he was over three hours late. Thankfully right at the end of his shift he sent me a text warning me. He learned very early that if he didn't warn me in some way I would freak out. He has even had Radio call me when his cell phone was dead and traffic was really bad.

The worst is when he's working night shift and I wake up when I know he should be home and he isn't. He doesn't call in those cases ... anymore. I guess I'm a hypocrite because he called me once at 3 in the morning and I yelled at him. But he was just doing what I wanted...letting me know he was late. *grin*

We've been married ten years this year in August and we've gotten these kinks figured out, but that doesn't mean I don't still get worried when the unexpected comes up.

So when you see a Law Enforcement Office out there, please remember that he has a family who misses him (or her) and wants them to come home safe and sound.

Giving Thanks

It's been a crazy Thanksgiving week. Strokes. Heart Surgery. Alcoholism. My family has some stressful moments.

But life continues, despite our challenges. Marshal is as adorable as ever. We had Thanksgiving at my grandpa's and it was a lot of fun. We played Bingo for scratch tickets and everyone really had fun, even grandpa. We're going to do it at Christmas too!

Thank you, Alycia Morgan for the gorgeous picture!

Jewelry designing comes and goes. I made five new pairs of earrings in a day...and then I'll go for a week without even sitting down at my jewelry table. I think when life gets really hectic my creative juices get bunched up and sour. Then again, sometimes that chaos inspires.

The season is upon us and life will surely continue to be crazy. We're almost done with our Christmas shopping already. Thank you Black Friday at the Outlet Mall. :) If you still have some shopping to do, may I suggest Etsy? Support handmade!

What a Week

Last week was painful. Horribly painful and exhausting.

I took my mom to surgery on Monday. She had both knees replaced and is doing awesome...way better than anyone expected. She's in the rehab unit now but already ready to go home. She is walking well - they had her walking the first day after her surgery.

Tuesday my grandfather had open heart surgery. He's doing ok...still in the hospital and having some pain and nausea but all things considered he's doing good. He is 84 after all.

The biggest drama came from my little brother...little as in 30 years old. He's trying his darndest to kill himself. He's an alcoholic and has been admitted now four times in two weeks. The first time my grandpa took him in they admitted him with Pancreatitis. And a blood alcohol of .43. He was discharged after four days and taken to my moms house.

When she went into the hospital for surgery he somehow found money and walked to the liquor store and drank a fifth of vodka. My aunt called the ambulance (severe abdominal pain) and I ended up at the hospital until midnight. He was discharged Wednesday around noon...and by 4 p.m. he was back in the hospital with abdominal pain.

Alcoholics lie. He swears he didn't drink Wednesday when he got home. Yeah. Blood alcohol of .2 tells another story. He was admitted until I took him home on Friday.

He was admitted again Sunday. My mom's neighbor saw him walking down the street and asked him where he was going. To get booze.

I'm not sure how to handle this situation. I'm exhausted and emotionally drained. He's supposed to go into rehab on Wednesday. Whether it will do any good I do not know. I'd really like to have my brother back...my real brother. Not the alcoholic, lying, a**hole who has taken over his life.