Where Can Mommy Run Away to?

It's been a rough road since I returned from Tucson at the beginning of February. The last week has been the worst. Rough communication with the hubby drove me a little batty. And a very sick and crying nighttime baby has me sleep deprived and frazzled.

Last week I threatened to run away twice. Were do mommies go when they lose it?

Monday we met with a pediatric Gastroenterologist. Dillon has suffered for what seems like his whole little life with gas. It has gotten worse and worse over time. Finally I was becoming desperate so I started documenting our problems to our pediatrician. I'm SO thankful for Group Health and their online system. Emailing my doctor at 1 am in the morning does a lot for my peace of mind.

She put in a referral to the Gastroenterologist and a prescription for Zantac, which seemed to help a little, but not a lot. The Gastro doctor put him on Omeprazol (sp?) instead because it's a stronger medication. We aren't sure how well it's working yet because it's only been three days but I'm hopeful.

Then Tuesday we were blessed by someone else's misfortune. :) Someone cancelled their appointment with the speech therapist and we were able to snag it. So we had a feeding evaluation and D is food averse. :( Basically he's had so much pain from trying to eat that he doesn't like food anymore. He bit into a Cheerios and immediately threw up... it barely even touched his tongue. The therapist was amazing and wonderful. She gave us some thickening gel for his formula. Since we started it he hasn't thrown or spit up! That alone is a miracle.

But last night was the roughest night in awhile. I'm pretty patient with littlest man usually. I know he's in pain, not trying to be stubborn so I'll hold him, when he's up at night. Last night he cried, screamed, writhed, and was miserable for two hours before I gave up. My wonderful husband took over, even though he had to get up at 5 am for work. I was in tears and working on just 30 minutes of sleep.

I'm not sure what it is, but daddy seems to have the magic touch when putting baby to sleep. I don't always approve of his methods, but they seem to work.

I'm thankful for a kind husband, but I'm also thankful for an amazing friend. She watches the boys part time (and sometimes not so part time) and she texted me today that Dillon was yanking on his ear, fussy while eating, and crying a lot. And he only slept for 30 minutes all day.

Thank God for a wonderful friend. And I'm thankful I listened to her because I called the doctor and got him in... less than an hour after I called. Again, thank you Group Health Olympia! Sure enough, a bad double ear infection.

My poor little man. He is such a happy baby when he's feeling well. He's smart and sweet and a friendly little boy. Even the doctor we saw commented about how he seems older than almost 9 months.

I'm thankful this day is over... and I'm praying for a better night's sleep. I'm praying for healing for my littlest boy. And I'm prayerfully thankful for a wonderful friend who loves and cares about my boys.

Two Boys, A Dog, and a Tree

As a follow up to my post about taking pictures of little kids and babies I thought I'd share my latest photography experience.

When Marshal was a baby we had "professional" photos taken at Target. I found a baby Santa outfit so of course he had to have it, and I saved it for Dillon.

Marshal in all his cuteness - less than 3 months old. Somehow the clothes look like they fit even though it's a 12 month outfit.

As is the case with most second children, we aren't going to Target to get pictures taken. We were going to meet with my friend who takes amazing photographs but both boys were sick so we had to cancel.

So I thought I'd try it on my own...by myself...with no assistance other than Marshal.

I started out using my regular camera before trying to use my iPhone. For some reason I have a very hard time getting shots that aren't blurry.

Smell my feet!

Hey look, the dog!

Catch me! I'm falling!!!

Why won't blogger let my photos be the right way? I fixed it in the photo editor! 

Other than being a bit blurry, and it looking like there's spit up on his lips, this one is great. It's not spit up. It's drool and reflection.

 

Here let me help mommy, says Marshal.

We did have a bit of fun trying to get a good picture. I think these are the keepers.

Merry Christmas!

I Can Relate - Photographing Infants

While holding Dillon in one arm, and the mouse in the other, I came upon another wonderful Matt Walsh blog post...he's a fantastic writer. Sometimes I read the comments, sometimes I don't. Today I did and I'm so glad. I found a stay at home mommy with a PhD...which I realize shouldn't surprise me at ALL but for some reason made me feel a little better about being home now with the boys.

Mommy Life After PhD looks pretty new but I love her already. Her latest blog post about photographing her new born had me laughing out loud (really...LOL). Because we had a similar experience and I can totally relate.

Attempting to keep baby from crying - pulling out the paci a second before snapping a photo. :) This was a practice shot.

My wonderful friend Rayna is a wonderful photographer. It's not her profession (she's an even more wonderful educator) but she's got mad skillz. Yup...skillz. Her subjects weren't real cooperative though.

Scheduling an infant is like herding cats...or some other similar phrase. Babies are supposed to be sleeping and peaceful and ... pliable...movable...pose-able. Or something.

Yeah...not so much.

She got some amazing shots, all things considered. We were in our front entry way in about 4 feet of space because the sky light provided the best lighting. Baby wasn't cooperating and brother just wanted to "help" a lot. She got great photos of our wonderful boys (and us) in about 45 minutes, which I think is a record.

I can't wait until next weekend when we do Christmas pictures.

Typing With Baby

With a baby, typing becomes a challenge. I'm a great typer...yes I just made that word up. I've been able to type over 75 wpm since high school and I've broken 100+ several times. But of course that is using TWO hands!

As Dillon gets a little older (he's five months already!!!) he's demanding to be held more. And yes, I give in most of the time. He's cute. It's hard to say no.

So now I get to type with one hand. I've blocked most of my "bad" memories of Marshal as a baby so I don't recall how active I was online and needing to type one handed. But I'm needing to answer Etsy conversations from my Etsy Supply Shop, responding to client emails for Aflac, and a whole host of other typing requirements.

I think I'm getting faster ... though my error rate is definitely higher with one hand than with two. And I'll never break the 20 wpm rate with one hand. But I'm practicing a lot!

Hopefully Postpartum Will be Minimal

When my little man Marshal was born I was completely overwhelmed. I lost a lot of blood and a difficult recovery. He had blood sugar issues and ended up in ICU.

I was so determined to breast feed him and avoid a bottle that instead of allowing the nurses to give him formula we kept trying to breast feed. But nothing came out and he ended up with blood sugar in the 20s...and a trip to NicU.

Marshal in NicU - 2009

We fed him with a tube and syringe for the first few weeks of his life, simply to avoid the bottle. I pumped as much as possible to get him breast milk. I could pump for over an hour and get less than an ounce of breast milk.

I tried everything to increase production - drinking beer (which I HATE), tea (also can't stand), and all the other things the lactation specialists recommended. We met with her at least twice a week.

I was NOT bonding with Marshal. I wanted to send him away and even thinking about it now makes me want to cry. I was completely depressed and hubby eventually made me go see the counselor.

Finally, even the lactation nurse said I needed to stop trying and move to formula. I was not bonding and I needed to take care of myself and my son.

This time, as much as I wanted to breast feed I went in with a completely different attitude. I willingly tried to breast feed and worked with the nurses after Dillon was born. For a variety of physical reasons my breasts do not cooperate and I didn't even produce colostrum. :( I still feel like crap for not being able to breast feed...I WANTED to. But it just wasn't meant to be.

Dillon's blood sugar did start to drop a few hours after birth. Instead of trying to force my will, we started him on a bottle with formula. Praising God - he avoided NicU completely and his blood sugar was perfectly normal from then on out.

Heading Home - Brothers

When my Sister in Law visited us in the hospital she said she could totally tell a difference in my attitude and temperament this time around. Obviously, a new mom will have more emotional issues. But with my history of depression the second time around is still a huge risk.

So far so good. I've had a few moments of baby blues - one night of crying uncontrollably - but nothing like the soul crushing depression I felt after Marshal.

We made it home and are now a family of FOUR! It boggles my mind. I still can't believe we have a new baby. It's such a huge change...and I don't love change. I know we'll find our routine eventually.

Marshal has been a good big brother so far. I know that could change any second but we're working really hard to make sure he feels like part of this team. And thankfully my family knows what to look for to make sure I don't fall into the abyss that is postpartum depression.

A New Human - Introducing Dillon James

I abandoned my blog during the last part of my pregnancy with Baby Boy #2. It was pretty rough for me...very tired, too many shots of insulin, lots of pain. It was all I could do to keep up with laundry and dishes.

We were scheduled for induction on Friday...got there at 7:30 as requested...and were sent home. Oh my goodness that was so horrible. Obviously in the scheme of things it wasn't a big deal, but I was SO ready to be done. But obviously it wasn't God's will for Dillon to be born on Friday. So we called Saturday morning and were told to come on down.

As of Saturday night, the pregnancy is officially over and Dillon James arrived - on June 15 at 9:57 pm. He was 7 pounds 7 ounces and 20 inches long. In comparison, Marshal was 7 pounds and 4 ounces and 19 3/4 inches long. God blessed us with a very healthy little guy.

Marshal took a little longer to arrive than Dillon and I don't remember it being nearly as painful but it's been nearly four years so I'm sure I blocked out those memories. I only pushed with Dillon for four or five contractions and he arrived...could have been less than 30 minutes. Pretty sure Marshal took over an hour once I started pushing.

On the bright side - my recover, and Dillon's, was nearly textbook and NO ICU for baby!!! My blood sugars were great and my blood pressure didn't crash this time. I was actually able to stand up to get in the wheel chair to go to recovery this time. With Marshal they had to wheel me in on the bed.

Dillon James Casto - Newborn

When Marshal was born I tried so hard to breast feed and was adamant against using formula. Within a few hours of his birth his blood sugar had dropped so low that he was admitted to ICU. If I'd agreed to go with formula right away we probably would have avoided the ICU.

This time, I made up my mind ahead of time that I would try to breast feed but was not going to be stubborn about it if it didn't work. And not surprisingly, it didn't.

There are a few reasons why breast feeding doesn't work for me...that I won't go into online. They are mostly medical. I tried for over a month to breast feed with Marshal and it caused me nothing but pain, depression, and lack of bonding with my son. I've come to terms with not being able to breast feed my sons. And this time I was pretty glad for formula.

Dillon did not need to be admitted into ICU after his blood sugar started to drop because we started him on formula. I'm sure there are moms out there who will lecture me, say I didn't try hard enough, judge me...that's okay. Feel free. I'm okay with our decision and I know the ultimate reasons behind it.

Dillon - 1 1/2 days old at home

We came home less than 48 hours after birth with a super healthy baby boy - doctors and nurses said he was "perfect"...we'll see. :) No jaundice, hearing and cardiac tests passed, eating and blood sugar perfect.

I'll write more because I want to document our experience with our new boy...and Marshal too. This is kind of a diary for me.